The term “Man Up” seems to have been bandied around quite a
bit recently. Not only in the political sphere but also on TV and in
advertising, not to mention how it is never far from a tabloid paper or the
classroom. When I asked feminist friends of mine for an example of a similar
term aimed at women, or even a gender neutral version, what I was given instead
was “That’s not very lady-like” or “Be a lady, not a girl” or a myriad of other
ways of saying the same thing with the word “Lady” somewhere in the midst.

A lady to me, in this specific sense of the word, is a
Victorian woman who has a very strained and bizarre posture, never smiles or
laughs too loud, eats less than she wants, has less fun than she needs and is
definitely from wealth.
I however, am none of these things. I laugh as if my stomach
has some large animal inside trying to escape. I smile so everyone can see my
molars. My posture is slumped when I’m not thinking about it and I am
definitely not from wealth in the Downton Abbey or even The Archers farmer kind
of way.
How can I be expected to act like a lady?
In the wise words of Betty White “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and
sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a
pounding.” On the other hand, my personal favourite, “Grow a pair… of
ovaries”, it makes sense (and they come in pairs).
“That’s not lady-like” is more a criticism of the
attractiveness of the subject, rather than their personal strength. I was told
I wasn’t being very lady like in High School once for arm wrestling with a boy,
so in that sense it actually is saying “Don’t be strong! No, that would scare
off any suitor for you!” The cultural commitments to traditional marriage-ability
and being someone’s perfect wife are imbedded in our language. Clearly when
people say the term they are not thinking how undesirable you are, it’s just a
phrase. It is a subtle bit of every day sexism from archaic habits that needs
to be gently broken.
I definitely have extra body hair which i'm sure isn't very 'lady like'. I don't wear extensions, fake eye lashes or fake tan. I look like me, not how I think people expect me to look. Brilliant read.
ReplyDelete