Stigma

“Will one of you lovely ladies lend me a key for the office please.” Mr A.

“Yes, as long as you don’t call us lovely ladies!” Ms L.

“OOOh someone’s got her knickers in a twist.” Mr A.

“Don’t listen to her… She’s a feminist.” Ms V.

By this point I had already let my colleague in to the office. I returned to my seat next to Ms V and said “Do you honestly think of feminism as a negative personality trait? That really undermined me. I would have thought you would understand that.”

Unfortunately I didn’t actually say that last bit, I just wish I had.

The word feminist is often used as a negative slur against a woman who stands up for herself and what she believes in. When a man refers to himself as a feminist this is seen as a huge award he has won and is patted on the back and told to keep up the good work.

Concentrating on female feminists, let’s go back and see when this all the feminist bashing began.

Was it when the focus of UK Feminists agenda was to ban Page 3 and stop the boys having a permanent erection? No maybe it was before that.

 

Was it twenty years ago when rape within a marriage was finally classed as a criminal offence thanks to the feminist protests? No, there was stigma even before then.

 

Was it in the 70’s when feminism was having a real boom and there were protests and agendas all over the place?! No, it was even before that.

The suffragettes? 100 years ago women were heavily stigmatised in newspapers for supporting this rebellion of women wanting the vote. Before these brave women came along there were no rights for women and patriarchy would have liked to keep it that way. Is it really possible that a century later people are still holding on to that concept that women wanting to stand up for themselves are some negative breed that needs putting down? A woman who stands up for what she believe is right is in fact wrong and needs to be shut up?

We have a long way to go to get rid of these negative assumptions about us. Each one of us needs to continue to grow a thick skin and bullet speed whit to stay afloat. 

One day maybe just maybe when feminism is no longer necessary because equal rights and lives are had by all, maybe then there won’t be any stigma.

Being Lady-Like

The term “Man Up” seems to have been bandied around quite a bit recently. Not only in the political sphere but also on TV and in advertising, not to mention how it is never far from a tabloid paper or the classroom. When I asked feminist friends of mine for an example of a similar term aimed at women, or even a gender neutral version, what I was given instead was “That’s not very lady-like” or “Be a lady, not a girl” or a myriad of other ways of saying the same thing with the word “Lady” somewhere in the midst.

When my mother tells me I am not being very lady like (sorry mum! And it is definitely not just my mum who has said it to me before), it is usually in reference to natural bodily functions (I needn’t go in to detail) or a relatively strong opinion on a topic that does not directly effect me. Please don’t get me wrong, my mum is amazing, open-minded, articulate, feminist and when she says any mixture of words forming a sentence with “Lady” in aimed at me, it is merely a phrase that she, or in fact anyone, uses without really meaning to enforce what it is to be a “lady”.

A lady to me, in this specific sense of the word, is a Victorian woman who has a very strained and bizarre posture, never smiles or laughs too loud, eats less than she wants, has less fun than she needs and is definitely from wealth.

I however, am none of these things. I laugh as if my stomach has some large animal inside trying to escape. I smile so everyone can see my molars. My posture is slumped when I’m not thinking about it and I am definitely not from wealth in the Downton Abbey or even The Archers farmer kind of way.

How can I be expected to act like a lady?

“Man up” is the more tame way to say “Grow a pair of balls/nuts” meaning just be strong and brave. Actually I have heard the term being used to mean be cruel and don’t care about it or be less respectful of everyone around you.

In the wise words of Betty White “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” On the other hand, my personal favourite, “Grow a pair… of ovaries”, it makes sense (and they come in pairs).

“That’s not lady-like” is more a criticism of the attractiveness of the subject, rather than their personal strength. I was told I wasn’t being very lady like in High School once for arm wrestling with a boy, so in that sense it actually is saying “Don’t be strong! No, that would scare off any suitor for you!” The cultural commitments to traditional marriage-ability and being someone’s perfect wife are imbedded in our language. Clearly when people say the term they are not thinking how undesirable you are, it’s just a phrase. It is a subtle bit of every day sexism from archaic habits that needs to be gently broken.

I suggest next time someone says it to you or to someone you are with just ask which lady they are using as a comparison. If they say “Old Lady Grantham” then I’m not quite sure this phrase would be strong enough….

Reading List

How does one prioritise the reading order of books? Do you start at the beginning of publishing and work your way to the present? Do you put on hold the books you think you have a gist of already and go for something more alien? How about relevance, and if you get bored or tired do you go on to something light or funny? Over the past few months I have made it my mission to read all feminist books ever published.

“All of them?” I hear you say. “But there must be thousands.”

Well, as many as I can hold in my small flat at one time and purchase on my tiny income, yes. And no, there aren’t thousands. There are a lot, but not thousands.

With such a wide range of topics and such a great deal of herstory to cover, I never really know where to go next. It’s more of a pick and choose what I’m in the mood for. I know I need to read the real groundbreakers, but while I am reading those from 1935 I don’t want to miss something that is happening right now, in the moment. Woe is me!

So far: Living Dolls, The Awakening, Reading Women, Herland, Yellow Wallpaper, The Beauty Myth, Human Rights are Women’s Rights, Reconciliations, How to be a Woman, Women on the Edge of Time,

Books to read within the year: Female Chauvinist Pigs, Half the Sky, Feminine Mystique, Fat is a Feminist Issue, Vagina (by Naomi Wolf), The Female Eunuch, The Equality Illusion, Gyn/Ecology, The Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Vagina Monologues, The City of Ladies, A Room of One’s Own, Second Sex, He’s a Stud, She’s  a Slut, Gender Trouble, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, The Second Sexism, Full Frontal Feminism etc etc…

Some of these authors have plenty of books. I can’t only read the ones that got best reviews! I need to absorb everything! Germaine Greer, Sappho, Virginia Woolf and Naomi Wolf  and most of the books I listed have other books to go with them! I keep starting books then getting too excited to wait to start reading the next one and before I know it I have six books on the go but only two book marks and no idea where I am up to on the others. On top of books there are also the blogs, podcasts, radio shows, TV shows, films and videos I need to watch and see all of, along with Newspaper and magazine articles and then the real life discussions and activism with other feminists. It’s almost as if there couldn’t be more to take in and couldn’t be less time to do it in! Then again, I am only racing against myself here. 

I have promised not to buy or borrow any more books until I have finished I already have, but there are so many out there I feel I need in my life immediately.

I have asked and searched in many places for books on the Suffragettes but keep finding a lack of published material where I thought there would be plenty. If anyone out there knows of any, please let me know. That will be the LAST book I buy… I promise.

Power Hungry

The BBC’s Women’s Hour released their 100 Most Powerful Women in the UK List earlier this week. Now most people have issues with who is in the No.1 spot but to be honest, I don’t really know or much mind about how powerful Her Royal Majesty really is. I’m sure that the critics are right and that she doesn’t actually have much say in the goings on of the 16 countries she is theoretically in charge of but that, to me, is by the by. What I am more interested in…. let me re-phrase that… What I am more bothered about are some of the women who have somehow become powerful through means that are much less beneficial to humankind.

Maybe I should start with the word power before I get to my botherings with some of the listed women. I LOVE the idea of promoting and publicising the work of most of the people who have been listed. There are scientists, writers, politicians, activists and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. The initial idea of this power list is to show the reader who has made change for the good through whatever means they had at their disposal. That is my opinion, of course I have no idea what the BBC and Women’s Hour intended by their power list. If I were to do a list I might do “100 most Important/Influential/Useful/Amazing Women in the UK”.

My list would certainly include the majority already chosen. I mean this truthfully and earnestly when I say that Women’s Hour have done a great job in recognising so many incredible people in such a vast array of careers, but a few of the chosen ones I would rather not promote with public compliments. A multi-billionaire who started an online gambling empire, a chief executive of a global Tobacco company, an unfeasibly annoying celebrity who recently donated her middle son of 10 to a fashion house as a child model (I don’t have issue with child models but seriously… Vogue isn’t a place for 10 year old boys). How can these women be on the same list as some who have spent their lives dedicated to helping vulnerable children, or developed medical research that could save lives, or the eloquence and bravery of the first openly gay poet laureate.

The women who have done so much for what they believe in to be good and stuck to their guns deserve the praise, not No.23, No.42 or No.96 (my subtle way of letting you all know who I mean).

There was one who stood out for me as very interesting and gave me hope. Clare Foges (pictured left) is one of the youngest on the list, her master degree in Poetry and a CV that reads of working from an Ice Cream Van is now dubbed “The Prime Minister’s Larynx”. Now there is an out of the ordinary woman. In fact, there are lots of unusual women who are given the title of powerful in this 100. The common theme is rich and white which is disappointing, but again, what do I personally want from this list and the meaning of “Power”? I would have hoped that less than 92% were white, and less than 50% were from impossibly wealthy families.

What I wanted from this list was influential and inspiring, and what I got was Powerful. Point taken.

Lessons in Manhood

If you have 15 minutes to spare please watch this clip. The way Colin Stokes puts it is succinct and welcoming. This talk is on how young boys are growing into young men and somehow there is a lesson being missed in how to treat women. Since the huge publicity of sexual harassment through One Billion Rising and other awareness raising events, I think this talk couldn't be more perfect in its relevance. Please take a few moments and enjoy this wonderful speech. Thank you
ted.com/talks/colin_stokes_how_movies_teach_manhood.html

Herlympics

When I was in high school there were no extra-curricular activities in the persuasion of sports for girls. Nothing at all. Our male counterparts had a plethora of choice, rugby, football, basketball and pretty much any team sport you can think of. The girls however, had to either sit in detention for forgetting their PE kits or go home and watch TV. Imagine the surprise of the teachers and heads when a girl… yes a GIRL asked to join the basketball club. No, they said, for “obvious reasons”. Well they weren’t obvious to her. What about the hockey club? No again? But why? They told her she could get hurt. It was true that most of the boys in the team were about a foot taller than her but she was just as fast.

 It ended up our girl started her own sports club just for girls. The only way to get her friends interested was make it about dieting and looking good and she managed to persuade the young women to come to circuit training once a week at the sports centre. The first week was great. Our female sports fan had got in touch with the local council and asked for funding for a trainer or coach. There were twelve in attendance and the woman who was talking them through the circuits was great fun and so enthusiastic. The following week however, the coach wasn’t there. The team of girls stood near the hoops and the steps and the skipping ropes laid out and no one stepped forward to start the session. After that, no one came. 

PE in school was always so boring. Girls were taught how to do the indoor sports, high-jump, aerobics, netball. You can imagine even the most eager sports lover would ‘accidentally’ forget her kit so she could sit and chat with her friends. After years of girls being told sport is not for them they start to believe it, and start getting used to the idea.

2012 brought the London Olympics and Para-Olympics and with it came many idols for the next generation. A huge number of people took up sports again after seeing men and women achieving such incredible feats. Sports in High School clearly hadn’t put everyone off. The number of park runners seemed to increase along with the teams of rowers for local clubs. Everyone seemed to have some fancy towards a better version of themselves that included a higher level of fitness.

We were given role models in abundance. Jessica Ennis and Ellie Simmonds for the women, Bradley Wiggins and Jonnie Peacock for men. 

After the hyper-speed-buzz of the Olympic summer calmed to an autumn trot we all got back to our old selves. Well, most of us. Some amazing women did not stop there though. An incomprehensible gender shift happened when no one (other than cricket fans) was looking. Sarah Taylor, the wicketkeeper for the England Women’s cricket team is set to cross the sex divide and play in the men’s team. I nearly fell off my proverbial stool when I heard this ground breaking news.

 Of course, the whole reason it is so amazing is that it shouldn’t be amazing at all. Why on earth is this the first time this has happened? I am taking this as a good omen, that women and girls will begin, slowly but surely, to feel included and that sport is not a boys-only club but an everyone club. 

So February is here and along with it comes all things romantic and pink. I usually find February the most frustrating month where men get told by the tv how to please and satisfy their woman and how women can wear sexy underwear to make their man interested. Valentines day this year has been hijacked by a much more interested, exciting and inspirational cause. One Billion Rising! If you don't know about it yet please get on their site and find the nearest event to you. It's the most incredible cause that has got the whole world talking.
Find a dance squad near you!